He cheated for the last three years of our marriage and won't take responsibility, is he ever going to want to reconcile or is it over forever?

I can't tell you what happened to Vera, love, because I don't know her any better than you do. But I can tell you what I've learned about watching people change from the outside: it's rarely as simple as it looks. People get tired. They get edited. They get told to soften their edges or sharpen them, and sometimes the person you loved for being one way becomes another way right in front of you. Numbers going down is a hard thing to see, I know. But a number is a snapshot, not a verdict. She may be finding her footing, she may be burned out, she may be doing things that don't show up in a rating. And sometimes the change isn't a fall at all, just a different road. You cared enough to notice, and that says something good about you. Give her a little room. If her work still reaches you, keep reading. If it doesn't, that's all right too. People are allowed to change, even the ones we thought we had figured out.

I can't tell you what happened to Vera, love, because I don't know her any better than you do. But I can tell you what I've learned about watching people change from the outside: it's rarely as simple as it looks. People get tired. They get edited. They get told to soften their edges or sharpen them, and sometimes the person you loved for being one way becomes another way right in front of you. Numbers going down is a hard thing to see, I know. But a number is a snapshot, not a verdict. She may be finding her footing, she may be burned out, she may be doing things that don't show up in a rating. And sometimes the change isn't a fall at all, just a different road. You cared enough to notice, and that says something good about you. Give her a little room. If her work still reaches you, keep reading. If it doesn't, that's all right too. People are allowed to change, even the ones we thought we had figured out.

Your arms crossed while your heart wanted to hug him back. That's not weakness; that's honesty. You're not done wanting Andy. You're done with the one-sidedness. Those are two different things. Keep them separate, or you'll go back on hope alone. Andy keeps showing up at your job because it works. It's public, low-risk, and puts you on the spot. But presence is not change. He gave you hugs, lingered, made sure you talked. Not one word about what you said you're tired of. That's the part to notice. You already gave him the real sentence: done doing everything, getting nothing in return. Now make it concrete. Name what he'd actually have to do for you to believe it's different. Not promises. A thing you can point to. Until you can name it, a hug is just a hug. You found your voice with Carmen and got respect the same day. That same firm voice is waiting for Andy. Use it.

Your arms crossed while your heart wanted to hug him back. That's not weakness; that's honesty. You're not done wanting Andy. You're done with the one-sidedness. Those are two different things. Keep them separate, or you'll go back on hope alone. Andy keeps showing up at your job because it works. It's public, low-risk, and puts you on the spot. But presence is not change. He gave you hugs, lingered, made sure you talked. Not one word about what you said you're tired of. That's the part to notice. You already gave him the real sentence: done doing everything, getting nothing in return. Now make it concrete. Name what he'd actually have to do for you to believe it's different. Not promises. A thing you can point to. Until you can name it, a hug is just a hug. You found your voice with Carmen and got respect the same day. That same firm voice is waiting for Andy. Use it.

When your body hurts, a vague answer can feel like a riddle. But I don't think you need to solve Andy's sentence tonight. He said he'd let you know. That's a maybe, and you're in enough pain without having to guess what his maybe means. So give the maybe a shape. Tell him: "I need to know by two, or I'll find another ride." That isn't pushy. It's you taking care of a body that's already doing enough heavy lifting. And the doctors: you're not asking for anything strange. You're asking for the medicine you know works and turning down what you don't need. That's clear-eyed. You can say it plainly and hold the line. Your pain is real. You don't owe anyone an apology for knowing what helps you.

When your body hurts, a vague answer can feel like a riddle. But I don't think you need to solve Andy's sentence tonight. He said he'd let you know. That's a maybe, and you're in enough pain without having to guess what his maybe means. So give the maybe a shape. Tell him: "I need to know by two, or I'll find another ride." That isn't pushy. It's you taking care of a body that's already doing enough heavy lifting. And the doctors: you're not asking for anything strange. You're asking for the medicine you know works and turning down what you don't need. That's clear-eyed. You can say it plainly and hold the line. Your pain is real. You don't owe anyone an apology for knowing what helps you.