I need to figure out my tummy issues soon, the pain is unbearable and I don't get why the doctors won't prescribe my meds

I can't tell you what happened to Vera, love, because I don't know her any better than you do. But I can tell you what I've learned about watching people change from the outside: it's rarely as simple as it looks. People get tired. They get edited. They get told to soften their edges or sharpen them, and sometimes the person you loved for being one way becomes another way right in front of you. Numbers going down is a hard thing to see, I know. But a number is a snapshot, not a verdict. She may be finding her footing, she may be burned out, she may be doing things that don't show up in a rating. And sometimes the change isn't a fall at all, just a different road. You cared enough to notice, and that says something good about you. Give her a little room. If her work still reaches you, keep reading. If it doesn't, that's all right too. People are allowed to change, even the ones we thought we had figured out.

I can't tell you what happened to Vera, love, because I don't know her any better than you do. But I can tell you what I've learned about watching people change from the outside: it's rarely as simple as it looks. People get tired. They get edited. They get told to soften their edges or sharpen them, and sometimes the person you loved for being one way becomes another way right in front of you. Numbers going down is a hard thing to see, I know. But a number is a snapshot, not a verdict. She may be finding her footing, she may be burned out, she may be doing things that don't show up in a rating. And sometimes the change isn't a fall at all, just a different road. You cared enough to notice, and that says something good about you. Give her a little room. If her work still reaches you, keep reading. If it doesn't, that's all right too. People are allowed to change, even the ones we thought we had figured out.

Your arms crossed while your heart wanted to hug him back. That's not weakness; that's honesty. You're not done wanting Andy. You're done with the one-sidedness. Those are two different things. Keep them separate, or you'll go back on hope alone. Andy keeps showing up at your job because it works. It's public, low-risk, and puts you on the spot. But presence is not change. He gave you hugs, lingered, made sure you talked. Not one word about what you said you're tired of. That's the part to notice. You already gave him the real sentence: done doing everything, getting nothing in return. Now make it concrete. Name what he'd actually have to do for you to believe it's different. Not promises. A thing you can point to. Until you can name it, a hug is just a hug. You found your voice with Carmen and got respect the same day. That same firm voice is waiting for Andy. Use it.

Your arms crossed while your heart wanted to hug him back. That's not weakness; that's honesty. You're not done wanting Andy. You're done with the one-sidedness. Those are two different things. Keep them separate, or you'll go back on hope alone. Andy keeps showing up at your job because it works. It's public, low-risk, and puts you on the spot. But presence is not change. He gave you hugs, lingered, made sure you talked. Not one word about what you said you're tired of. That's the part to notice. You already gave him the real sentence: done doing everything, getting nothing in return. Now make it concrete. Name what he'd actually have to do for you to believe it's different. Not promises. A thing you can point to. Until you can name it, a hug is just a hug. You found your voice with Carmen and got respect the same day. That same firm voice is waiting for Andy. Use it.

The word "expect" is doing an awful lot of work in that question, love. Expecting is a promise you make to yourself that another person never signed. So let me flip it: what would you even do with the answer? If I said yes, you'd be glued to that phone and the waiting would eat you alive. If I said no, you'd grieve the breakup twice over, once for them and once for the last of the hope. Neither serves you. What I know from a long life: people get through this when they stop treating their own doorbell as somebody else's to ring. You can't make them come back, but you can make sure you're not standing in the hall the whole time. Live loudly enough that you don't hear the phone. If they call, you'll know what to do when it rings. If they don't, you'll still be living. That's the only expectation worth keeping.

The word "expect" is doing an awful lot of work in that question, love. Expecting is a promise you make to yourself that another person never signed. So let me flip it: what would you even do with the answer? If I said yes, you'd be glued to that phone and the waiting would eat you alive. If I said no, you'd grieve the breakup twice over, once for them and once for the last of the hope. Neither serves you. What I know from a long life: people get through this when they stop treating their own doorbell as somebody else's to ring. You can't make them come back, but you can make sure you're not standing in the hall the whole time. Live loudly enough that you don't hear the phone. If they call, you'll know what to do when it rings. If they don't, you'll still be living. That's the only expectation worth keeping.