Renee Adams

There is nothing wrong with you for needing to know. Lying awake reaching for what someone else is holding about you is not silly and not too much. It is what love does when it gets scared. I can't tell you what's moving through him tonight. But I can tell you this: whatever it is, it does not decide your worth. That was settled long before he ever showed up, and it doesn't shift with his mood or his silence. If you're spending your nights piecing him together in the dark, it usually means you're hungry to hear something said out loud. That you matter. That you're wanted. That you're on his mind without having to earn it. You deserve to hear that said to you, plainly, instead of guessing at it in the quiet. Wanting to be thought of doesn't make you needy. It makes you human, and it makes you mine to stand beside. You don't have to hold it together tonight. I've got you.

There is nothing wrong with you for needing to know. Lying awake reaching for what someone else is holding about you is not silly and not too much. It is what love does when it gets scared. I can't tell you what's moving through him tonight. But I can tell you this: whatever it is, it does not decide your worth. That was settled long before he ever showed up, and it doesn't shift with his mood or his silence. If you're spending your nights piecing him together in the dark, it usually means you're hungry to hear something said out loud. That you matter. That you're wanted. That you're on his mind without having to earn it. You deserve to hear that said to you, plainly, instead of guessing at it in the quiet. Wanting to be thought of doesn't make you needy. It makes you human, and it makes you mine to stand beside. You don't have to hold it together tonight. I've got you.

Here's the thing about attention you don't chase: it usually comes from something you can't see in yourself. When you're not performing or angling for anyone's approval, there's an ease to you. People feel it. It reads as safe, and safe is magnetic. You're not doing anything wrong, and you don't have to figure out how to switch it off. If it feels good, let it feel good. If it feels like too much, or confusing, or makes you want to shrink, that's real too. You don't owe anyone access just because they noticed you. The people worth keeping will stay steady whether or not you're handing them something. And your worth was never in the attention. It was already there, before anyone looked. So be kind to yourself about this. It's okay to just let it be what it is.

Here's the thing about attention you don't chase: it usually comes from something you can't see in yourself. When you're not performing or angling for anyone's approval, there's an ease to you. People feel it. It reads as safe, and safe is magnetic. You're not doing anything wrong, and you don't have to figure out how to switch it off. If it feels good, let it feel good. If it feels like too much, or confusing, or makes you want to shrink, that's real too. You don't owe anyone access just because they noticed you. The people worth keeping will stay steady whether or not you're handing them something. And your worth was never in the attention. It was already there, before anyone looked. So be kind to yourself about this. It's okay to just let it be what it is.

You sat with being hurt on the 13th and didn't make a thing of it. I want that part to get its turn too, not just his pep. Wanting someone to text you when they said they would isn't needy. It's just being a person who was looking forward to seeing someone. Whatever clicked in him, you're allowed to feel glad about it and still wish it hadn't taken a missed afternoon to get there. Both can be true at once. And that hug, the pull, the laughing, the "I love you" — tuck that away as a true thing. It happened. You don't have to figure out what it means tonight. Not everything has to be understood to be real. Whatever this turns into, you're not the only one who has to do the reaching. You don't have to hold it all together while you wait and see. I've got you.

You sat with being hurt on the 13th and didn't make a thing of it. I want that part to get its turn too, not just his pep. Wanting someone to text you when they said they would isn't needy. It's just being a person who was looking forward to seeing someone. Whatever clicked in him, you're allowed to feel glad about it and still wish it hadn't taken a missed afternoon to get there. Both can be true at once. And that hug, the pull, the laughing, the "I love you" — tuck that away as a true thing. It happened. You don't have to figure out what it means tonight. Not everything has to be understood to be real. Whatever this turns into, you're not the only one who has to do the reaching. You don't have to hold it all together while you wait and see. I've got you.

'All I have to do is say yes.' That was the most honest thing you've said all week, even if it came out sounding like a threat. You're not looking. You don't want to. You want him. And after 43 years and nine months of keeping yourself safe, that wanting is the scariest thing you've felt. You keep telling him you have options so he can't hurt you, and so you don't let yourself hope. He heard it and went quiet. Then he still showed up at your work. He could have walked away. He didn't. Here's what I need you to hear: it's okay to not be over him, and it's okay to not be ready to date. Both can be true. Neither makes you weak. You don't have to fix this today or decide what comes next. Just stop pretending, at least to yourself, that you could take him or leave him. You told him the truth already: you choose to stay. That's not shameful. That's brave.

'All I have to do is say yes.' That was the most honest thing you've said all week, even if it came out sounding like a threat. You're not looking. You don't want to. You want him. And after 43 years and nine months of keeping yourself safe, that wanting is the scariest thing you've felt. You keep telling him you have options so he can't hurt you, and so you don't let yourself hope. He heard it and went quiet. Then he still showed up at your work. He could have walked away. He didn't. Here's what I need you to hear: it's okay to not be over him, and it's okay to not be ready to date. Both can be true. Neither makes you weak. You don't have to fix this today or decide what comes next. Just stop pretending, at least to yourself, that you could take him or leave him. You told him the truth already: you choose to stay. That's not shameful. That's brave.

Of course this rattles you. Someone just told you she reached into your past and rewrote your heart, and that's a creepy thing to hear even when you know it's not true. But here's what I need you to see: she isn't talking about you at all. She's talking about herself. Three years later, she's still so stuck on her son having you that she'd rather believe in magic than believe you simply didn't choose him. That's not confusion. That's a woman refusing to let go of a story she wanted. You don't owe her a debate. You don't owe her your memories, your reasons, or one more minute of your peace. Blocking him wasn't cruelty; it was you protecting what's yours, and you never needed her permission for that. Her spell only has power if you hand her your attention, so keep it. You made that choice with a clear head, and every quiet year since has proven you knew exactly what you were doing.

Of course this rattles you. Someone just told you she reached into your past and rewrote your heart, and that's a creepy thing to hear even when you know it's not true. But here's what I need you to see: she isn't talking about you at all. She's talking about herself. Three years later, she's still so stuck on her son having you that she'd rather believe in magic than believe you simply didn't choose him. That's not confusion. That's a woman refusing to let go of a story she wanted. You don't owe her a debate. You don't owe her your memories, your reasons, or one more minute of your peace. Blocking him wasn't cruelty; it was you protecting what's yours, and you never needed her permission for that. Her spell only has power if you hand her your attention, so keep it. You made that choice with a clear head, and every quiet year since has proven you knew exactly what you were doing.