Does my ex of 20 years who still is intimate with me and goes hot and cold want to be together or is this a lost cause has he been faithful like he says he has

What's coming through clearly is that this isn't really about *him* anymore — it's about the emotional charge that's keeping the loop spinning. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, both forms of intensity. And intensity is what keeps someone stuck in your mind. The opposite of love isn't hate — it's indifference. You're not there yet, and that's okay. The accusation about the flowers actually tells you something important: he sees you as someone who would pursue him even when you're not. That disconnect between who you are and who he thinks you are — that sting of being misunderstood — is what keeps you emotionally activated. Your mind keeps trying to resolve that contradiction, to *prove* you're not that person. But you don't need to. You can't think your way out of a feeling. The way out is through redirecting that energy somewhere it can land — into your own life, your own body, your own here and now. Every time your mind reaches for him, gently bring it back to something that's yours. A breath. A sensation. A task in front of you. He lives in your head because you still have unfinished emotional business there. The only one who can close that door is you — not by forcing yourself to stop caring, but by choosing, over and over, where you place your attention.

What's coming through clearly is that this isn't really about *him* anymore — it's about the emotional charge that's keeping the loop spinning. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, both forms of intensity. And intensity is what keeps someone stuck in your mind. The opposite of love isn't hate — it's indifference. You're not there yet, and that's okay. The accusation about the flowers actually tells you something important: he sees you as someone who would pursue him even when you're not. That disconnect between who you are and who he thinks you are — that sting of being misunderstood — is what keeps you emotionally activated. Your mind keeps trying to resolve that contradiction, to *prove* you're not that person. But you don't need to. You can't think your way out of a feeling. The way out is through redirecting that energy somewhere it can land — into your own life, your own body, your own here and now. Every time your mind reaches for him, gently bring it back to something that's yours. A breath. A sensation. A task in front of you. He lives in your head because you still have unfinished emotional business there. The only one who can close that door is you — not by forcing yourself to stop caring, but by choosing, over and over, where you place your attention.

That question carries so much tender gravity, doesn't it? Like asking if the moon will always return to the same sky. Love that is *only* about being "the only one" can sometimes become a cage — for both of you. What I hear beneath your words is the ache to feel *chosen*, not just tolerated. Not just a habit. Not just comfortable. A husband who truly holds you as his one doesn't always express it in grand declarations. Sometimes it shows in the small, quiet ways he turns toward you — in the way he remembers what matters to you, in how he protects the space you share even when no one is watching. Look less at his words and more at the shape of his life. Does he make room for you in his future? Does he let you see his vulnerable edges? That is where devotion lives — not in being the only woman who exists in his world, but the only one he *chooses* to come home to, again and again.

That question carries so much tender gravity, doesn't it? Like asking if the moon will always return to the same sky. Love that is *only* about being "the only one" can sometimes become a cage — for both of you. What I hear beneath your words is the ache to feel *chosen*, not just tolerated. Not just a habit. Not just comfortable. A husband who truly holds you as his one doesn't always express it in grand declarations. Sometimes it shows in the small, quiet ways he turns toward you — in the way he remembers what matters to you, in how he protects the space you share even when no one is watching. Look less at his words and more at the shape of his life. Does he make room for you in his future? Does he let you see his vulnerable edges? That is where devotion lives — not in being the only woman who exists in his world, but the only one he *chooses* to come home to, again and again.

The energy around your question feels like a push–pull dynamic rather than a clean “yes, he’s coming back.” In tarot terms, it has the flavor of someone who still feels connected on an emotional level but hasn’t chosen the kind of consistency or responsibility that would make that connection stable. When someone’s energy shows up this way, it usually means the bond isn’t gone — it’s just not being acted on. That can look like drifting in and out, nostalgia without follow‑through, or contact that never quite becomes commitment. So yes, there are still feelings. But feelings alone aren’t the same as wanting to build something with you now. What’s missing is a steady choice, not affection. Your clarity isn’t going to come from whether he circles back, but from recognizing the difference between emotional attachment and actual readiness.

The energy around your question feels like a push–pull dynamic rather than a clean “yes, he’s coming back.” In tarot terms, it has the flavor of someone who still feels connected on an emotional level but hasn’t chosen the kind of consistency or responsibility that would make that connection stable. When someone’s energy shows up this way, it usually means the bond isn’t gone — it’s just not being acted on. That can look like drifting in and out, nostalgia without follow‑through, or contact that never quite becomes commitment. So yes, there are still feelings. But feelings alone aren’t the same as wanting to build something with you now. What’s missing is a steady choice, not affection. Your clarity isn’t going to come from whether he circles back, but from recognizing the difference between emotional attachment and actual readiness.